Last Regrets
by Alcaknight
Summary: One-shot. Ten years after Muse Umi finds herself working in a sales agency, clinging on to memories of the past. The sudden appearance of Honoka threatens to turn her world upside down, but will she find the courage to take the step forward? Umi x Honoka. Contains mature themes.


Leaving the office, I took a deep breath and strode across the street. It was fortunate that our headquarters had been built right next to the local park, if I wasn't able to stretch my legs now I was sure I'd go mad. I can't say I ever imagined working on the board of a top sales company—sure, the pay was good enough, I had no reason to complain. I didn't mind the extra perks that came with the job either. If you told me I'd be driving a Mercedes by the time I was twenty-six I'd have laughed. But despite that, why was it that I was so discontent?

I sighed and ducked into a narrow path leading to the park. The answer was obvious of course. It was the same reason I could never take down those Muse posters from my wall. The same reason my desk was crammed full of old merchandise. How did it turn out like this? I started to wonder how the others fared. I knew Honoka had become the manager of a popular up-and-coming idol group. The thought made me frustrated, not just at Honoka, but myself. I'd opted to play it safe instead, that was too typical of me.

I carried on walking, wrapped up in my own thoughts until a voice called out beside me. A flash of recognition shot through my mind. No, it couldn't be…

"Umi… That really is you, isn't it?"

I followed the sound, turning to see a young woman occupying the bench under the tree. Her hair brushed past her shoulders and was tied up in a yellow bow, while her outfit consisted of a pair of shorts and a loose-fitting blouse. There was no mistaking it.

"Honoka? Y-You've barely changed at all…" I stuttered, struggling for words.

"But you look so different… I barely recognized you."

I self-consciously toyed with my collar, then took a seat next to her. As I lowered myself, I glanced a silver ring from the corner of her eye.

"Ah…" Honoka exclaimed, noticing my interest, "Kotori brought it for our engagement. You have heard, haven't you?"

I tried to mask the hint of shock on my face, "o-oh, that's right. Sorry, it must have slipped my mind. Congratulations to you both."

We sat in silence for several moments before Honoka suddenly stretched out and turned towards me, catching me off guard.

"So, tell me about yourself! What's with the suit?"

"I work on the board of a sales company—you probably wouldn't find it very interesting. I spend most of my day attending meetings and jotting down notes…. B-But you on the other hand, I hear you're coaching a group of talented idols, right?"

"Yes, it's funny. I'd always dreamed of becoming an idol, now here I am coaching them instead. They're good kids though, really. Watching them up on stage reminds me of the old days. You know it's kind of embarrassing, but after all these years I still kept all those Muse posters on my wall…"

I looked away without a word, smiling slightly to myself. After a brief pause, I turned directly towards Honoka.

"I-I'd like to catch up properly. You know the hotel near the station? I think it's called 'The Prince'. There's a nice café there that I visit after meetings, would you like to have a drink with me after work?"

"Yup, I've been there a few times myself. It's not like I have any plans for the rest of today."

"Great! So I'll see you at six?"

"Six is fine. See you later."

—–

I was a few minutes late by the time I arrived. I straightened out the hem of my skirt, then approached Honoka's table, hoping she wouldn't notice my flustered state.

"Oh, you're here!" she smiled, pushing a glass of wine towards me. "I didn't know what you drank, white is fine, isn't it?"

"It's perfect, thank you."

I raised the glass to my lips and sipped slowly. Honoka waited until I was finished, then leaned forward and grabbed my hand without warning.

"H-Honoka, what are you do-"

"Umi, can I ask you something personal?"

Recovering my composure, I placed the glass down and looked into her eyes.

"What is it?"

"How come you never tried to contact me? How come you never contacted anyone for that matter?"

I sighed, "I tried to, believe me I did. But every time I picked up the phone I froze up… When I heard you'd all taken jobs in the idol industry part of me felt resentful. I was angry at myself too for not having the courage to follow in your footsteps. When it comes down to it, I guess I was scared… Scared that you'd all see how much I changed."

"But you haven't really changed, have you?" Honoka asked, as if the answer was obvious. "You're still kind and caring, aren't you? We wouldn't be having this conversation otherwise. Wearing a suit or working for some fancy sales company doesn't change that. I missed you, you know?"

I broke my gaze and shifted nervously in my seat, "I-I guess I never thought of it like that. And it's not as if I didn't miss you too."

Honoka smiled and waved over the waiter.

"Two more drinks please.

—–

The rest of the night was mostly a blur. What I do remember is Honoka tripping over herself after her fourth glass of wine. After the bartender insisted we'd had far too many, Honoka suggested I help her slip into something else, and then––

I sat bolt upright, feeling the covers brush along my bare skin. As if confirming my worst fears, a quiet groan came from my side. Honoka lay naked on her side, her breasts visible underneath the translucent sheets. My heart began to thump wildly, what had we done? What if Kotori found out? I slipped out of bed quietly trying not to wake Honoka; but it was already too late.

"U-Umi? Where are we?" she looked around before the realization hit her, "so we really did…"

I nodded, slipping on my underwear and reaching for my work clothes. I fumbled with my skirt, then turned to see Honoka sobbing.

"I-It's all my fault…" she said, burying her face in her arms.

I rushed next to her and put a hand on her shoulder. "No, you're wrong… I was the one who went through with it, if there's anyone to blame it's me."

She shook her head, then reached for her clothes in a fluster. "You don't understand… It wasn't a coincidence that you found me yesterday. I knew where you worked and waited on purpose… I-I think I was always hoping it'd lead to this, now I've ruined everything…"

"That's not true. No-one needs to know––"

"I'd know… I-I can't do this. I need to see her… I'm sorry for putting you through all this."

I stood and watched helplessly. Was this it, years of friendship destroyed over a single mistake? It didn't have to be this way. If I could just convince her to stay… After all, we'd be much better off together, wouldn't we?...

"You're right," I said, "Kotori deserves an explanation, but most of all she needs you by her side… You've come too far to throw it all away over this."

I bit my lip. _No! What are you doing? This is your last chance._

"Really? Y-You're a good friend Umi…"

"She must mean the world to you… Hold on to her and don't let go. There's still a future for you two"

 _Idiot, idiot, idiot! Stop her!_

Honoka collected the last of her things, then stopped midway towards the door.

"Umi… I'm sorry… for everything."

—–

I tried calling Honoka several times after that night, each time the phone would cut to voicemail. I wasn't sure whether I was looking for forgiveness, or merely wanted to hear the sound of her voice again. A feeling of dread welled up in my chest, and somewhere deep down I knew that would be our last meeting. All this time after, I still wondered what I could have done differently. Should I really have convinced her to stay? Could I have done that, to have sacrificed Kotori's happiness for my own? Maybe I was naïve, thinking we could somehow remain friends at the end of that.

Yes, that was the safe option, I thought. Always typical of me.


End file.
